May She Rest in Peace
by Palena
Summary: Paine has always made sure that she kept her past to herself, but what if her past becomes much more than just the parts she remembers? R&R Please.
1. May She Rest in Peace

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**This is my second attempt at writing this story. If you've read the first draft of it, you'll notice that a lot of the story is the same, but I have added more detail that sort of explains a little more about my interpretation of Paine.**

**Also, some of the past reviewers wanted more action from the supporting characters. I will try to add more interaction between Paine, Yuna, and Rikku.**

**So, once again, here's the first chapter. Enjoy!**

**May She Rest in Peace – Chapter One – May She Rest in Peace**

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Bikanel: One of my least favorite traveling spots. All I usually ever get from coming here is a bad sunburn and sand in my boots. Not to mention the heat that beats down at all hours of the day, and then the frigid temperatures at night. I'm hoping the outcome isn't the same as usual, though. I could do without sunburn.

We were lucky this time; we had only been traveling for a small stretch of time across the tanned expanse before we spotted the hover that was parked a little ways away from the main digging site. Apparently some Al Bhed were in the middle of an expedition. Ever since Vegnagun was defeated, the fiends had lessoned, so the diggers were safe to salvage any old machina parts without more than the threat of sandstorms. Excavated machina parts were becoming more and more valuable because of the sudden swell of machina used throughout Spira, namely in Bikanel, where Home was being rebuilt.

I remember coming here back when we were still on the adventure to save the world. That adventure's been over for some time now, though. It's been almost two months…I almost admit that I've missed all the thrill of fighting fiends and traveling abroad on the airship. At least I get to remember these times and relive them, if only for a few minutes.

I had decided to settle down in Kilika. It seemed like a good spot, especially when compared to the normal place for sphere hunters: Guadosalam, which was now nothing more than a haven for the otherwise homeless travelers. Kilika wasn't as out of the way as Besaid, but it also wasn't as bustling as Luca or Bevelle. I found it to be quite a nice spot to stay, and I managed to rent out a room in the house of an old friend of mine from the Crusaders. It was great to have a break for the first couple of weeks, but it was hard to suddenly go from the thrill of trying to solve mysteries and fighting the bad guys to having the highlight of the day being a clear, blue sky and crystalline waters. Don't get me wrong; it's not bad at all, but it's not what I'm used to.

So, due to my boredom, I ended up joining the Kilika faction of the Youth League, and once Nooj had found out, he had me running around like some sort of human transport, doing odd errands for him, usually dealing with going to and from the temple with mail for the guards and other trivial things like that. It was nothing near what I was used to. It seemed, as far as I could tell, that my adventure was over, and I was supposed to become just like everyone else, with the exception of the fact that everyone knew me because of my aid in the defeat of Vegnagun.

Rikku, in all her "infinite" wisdom, seemed to have read my mind about wanting to go on another adventure, and she found her sphere that Shinra had set up so the Gullwings could keep in constant contact. Rikku had been very vague about the details of this new mission, and I was wary about agreeing to join. She seemed so excited about it when she contacted me, though, so I decided to meet with her in Luca the next day.

Originally, Yuna was going to stay out of this adventure, mainly because she was tied up with other things, or people, as it were. Somehow, she found out about this "adventure" and was hurt that she wasn't invited. So, we changed our minds, and she came along for the ride as well.

So, after a reunion of the complete Gullwings group, we all boarded the Celsius and headed to Bikanel at Rikku's request. Despite the fact that we had been to Bikanel many times, and we usually could find the small settlement of diggers in the desert, the wind had picked up in the area, and we couldn't land. So, Brother and Buddy agreed that we should land near the oasis and find the way to our destination ourselves.

Let me just say that this reminds me of another journey through these sands not too long ago.

Yuna and Rikku were dragging behind due to the heat. I still don't understand how they can be bothered so much by the heat; they wear less than I do. I looked back at them briefly and shook my head upon spotting the hover a short distance away. I broke into a slow jog and made a beeline for the hovercraft.

I didn't slow down for the two girls behind me, though I probably should have, if just to tell them to hurry up. After briefly conversing with the driver, I easily found a spot on the empty hover, clasping my hands around one of the rods that held up the large fan-like structure used to propel the transport, and pulling myself to sit on a small platform near the back.

It didn't take long to travel across the sands to our destination. The vehicle's driver was very familiar with Bikanel. He had been explaining to Rikku how he had just made a trip to Home not too long ago, and that the rebuilding was nearly complete. Rikku kept periodically shooting glances in my direction when she thought I wasn't looking. It was annoying, but before I could tell her off, the hover stopped.

I acknowledged the masked driver, now standing next to the hover, and he nodded back to me, the lenses of his goggles catching a ray of the sun and almost blinding me. I blinked a few times to get rid of the blurry spots blocking my usually unobstructed view of the tanned sands. After taking in my surroundings, I noticed him sit down at the small cockpit in the front of the hover. He shifted his gaze back to Yuna and Rikku, and, after talking briefly with the two girls, nodded his head slowly. They both looked over at me, a nervous look on their faces, namely Rikku's.

"Just wait here, Paine. We'll be back in a sec!" Rikku said as she waved to the driver, then grabbed Yuna by the wrist and led her away from the hover. I leaned against the hover and watched their figures get smaller and smaller. It was now late in the day, and the sun was at its most uncomfortable temperature. The humidity was making my hair stick to the sides of my face, and I could feel droplets of sweat trailing down my forehead.

Now, at least a half hour has passed, and I'm still waiting for the other two to come back. I'm not sure what they're doing at the moment, probably talking about men. That's really all they ever do now, it seems. They said they would only be a few minutes, but I still see no sign of the bubbly Al Bhed or the slightly less hyperactive summoner. If they don't come in a few minutes, I'm going to drive the hover myself. This heat is killing me.

"Oh! Poopie!" As if on cue, I heard the singsong voice of Rikku. I merely shifted my eyes over to the side toward them, peering at them with my peripheral vision. At the moment, I think that actually turning my head to look at them would be a waste of movement, considering the annoyance that would be the consequence of Rikku knowing that I was actually listening to her. Yuna's mouth was moving, but I couldn't understand what she was saying, as both distance and the wind interfered with my hearing. Not that I really wanted to listen anyway. I simply closed my eyes and shifted uncomfortably in my outfit, the inside lining of the leather slowly becoming an unwanted adhesive. I heard the two girls moving toward the hover, and when the inside of my eyelids shifted from a dull red to black, I slowly opened my eyes and glanced emotionlessly at Rikku.

"Are you two finished yet?" I asked dully as I flicked some hair out of my face. Don't get me wrong, I like Rikku and Yuna, but sometimes, it's just nicer to have peace and quiet. Of course, in my case, my attempts at hinting to Rikku that I want to be alone just result in her prying for information. Sometimes I really wonder what possessed me to start traveling with her. It was probably the airship. What I wouldn't give to be on the air-conditioned Celsius right now…

Rikku sighed, her arms crossing over her chest in an exaggerated manner after she sat back into her spot on the hover.

"I thought it was here," her voice was laced with annoyance, and her swirling eyes darted back up into my direction. "There's only one other spot that could have it…"

My eyebrows arched at Rikku's sudden look of realization. The Al Bhed hurriedly bothered the pilot to get a move on, and he nodded at Rikku, and then waited for Yuna to get onto the hover.

Yuna silently sits down near the front, and then she goes off into her own little world once again. I noticed this because she has seemed to become fascinated with the sand, and I know for a fact that the sand can't possibly be that interesting to watch. Maybe the first time, but she's been here quite a bit for digging sessions.

Sometimes I wish that I could drift off like that, in reveries of my own. And then I remember that all daydreaming is good for is when you need to tune someone out, namely two Al Bhed siblings who I will not name at the moment. I silently sit down, my eyes still watching Yuna. Before I can comment, I am literally jerked out of my thoughts. The back of my head rams into the rod that I'm holding onto. I wince somewhat and grumble. The sooner we get out of this desert, the better.

"So, Paine, what are you going to do, now that everything's over?" I didn't notice that Yuna moved back to sit by me, her legs dangling over the side of the hover as it rushed through the sand like skis on snow. I stopped rubbing the back of my head and I moved my hand onto my lap.

"Why do you ask?" I question as I arch an eyebrow at the summoner. She always seemed to ask these questions at very random times. I still wonder why Yuna still decided to travel with us. The whole point of her journey was to find her love. And he's probably playing blitzball with the Aurochs right now at Besaid. I was almost certain she would want to be with him, but she chose to go on one more mission with us. Buddy saw signs of a sphere, maybe another record of the Crimson Squad. At least, that's what Rikku told me.

Gazing out at these sands almost gives me a sense of dread…I remember the numerous times I was out here recording my group. We did a lot of training in these sands; Baralai, Nooj, Gippal, and I. We know this place too well. Somehow, it never ceases to fascinate me to some extent…How one place can be just sand, and nothing else. It's just an endless sea of oranges and tans continuing on and on for miles. Yuna looks up at the sky, as if she was thinking of an answer to my question.

"I don't know…I've just been wondering. I never heard about where you come from or much about your past. It doesn't seem like you have…. a home to go to," Yuna said, the last part somewhat reluctantly; as if she was scared I might snap at her for asking such a question. I sigh somewhat, then look up at the same patch of sky Yuna was gazing at.

"I am living in Kilika now," I begin, but I knew that wasn't what she meant. "I'm planning on traveling some more, I guess. Maybe I'll continue sphere hunting. I still have many unanswered questions." I wasn't lying, but I decided to avoid talking about my past any more than I have to. I figure that most things concerning me are on a "need-to-know" basis. Frankly, no one needs to know about my past except for me, and I know that Yuna won't pry further if I make it clear I'm not going to say anything more.

I took in another deep breath and my eyes started to droop. As much as I hate this hot weather, I was getting a strange feeling of comfort from it, like the feeling of getting out of a shower with the steam still trapped in the room. Yuna made a slight movement of her head, acknowledging what I said in reply to her question, and then she proceeded to go off into her world again. We passed through an area of high winds, so I turned my head, the sand hitting the back of my neck instead of my eyes. I didn't want to get sand in my eyes. That's happened to me before, with less-than-desirable consequences.

"Hey! We're almost there, guys!" Rikku yelled at the top of her lungs as she clumsily stood up on the still-moving hover and she pointed toward a small cluster of what looked like rocks, but upon closer observation, I saw machina littered in the sands. This machina was part of the ruins of the old Home, now two years old. The new site for the Al Bhed settlement was being built a short distance away, but the ruins were frequently searched for parts.

I noticed Yuna snap out of her reverie at Rikku's voice, and then she turned her head. I'm still not sure why the three of us agreed to go here, or if we're supposed to accomplish anything from visiting the ruins. Maybe Rikku thinks she can try to enlist us in the plan for rebuilding Home. Of course, if Yuna and Rikku agree, I would feel it's my duty as a friend to join them as well. Life was so much more bearable when I traveled by myself. That was so long ago, though, even before I joined the Crusaders.

So much has changed.

I've changed.

Even from the short time between the Crimson Squad and the Gullwings, my whole attitude toward everything transformed into what it is now. I noticed this from the spheres that we uncovered. I used to be more open; I used to enjoy being around other people. I guess…some things we experience change our outlook on life forever, for better or worse. I don't know if this change I've gone through is good or bad yet, but I'll probably find out soon. For right now, I'll just take each day one by one. Who knows? Maybe I will change again. After all, a new sun rises each day with new possibilities to discover and new challenges to face. Perhaps there's hope for me yet. I grin slightly as I step off the hover, which has now stopped in front of the ruins.

Perhaps there's still hope.

"Paine! Hello! Anyone home?" I'm pulled away from my thoughts once again by Rikku, who has resorted to jumping around me in order to get my attention. Sometimes, it's hard to believe she's only a year younger than me. She sure doesn't act 17. I looked away from the bouncing girl and cross my arms, ignoring the fact that my hands were burning from within my gloves.

"What is it, Rikku?" I asked, a tone of annoyance escaping. She really gets on my nerves, the way she always is hyperactive and bouncing around while wearing next to nothing. I can't stand it sometimes. I'm going to make her change to her Trainer dressphere one of these days…

"Don't you remember? It's why I wanted you to come here in the first place," explained Rikku, her excitement making the tone of her voice rise until she sounded similar to a mouse. I rolled my eyes and tried to hide more annoyance from showing in my face. I can't believe they dragged me out here to show me something. I uncrossed my arms and looked at both Rikku and Yuna. They both looked at me with pleading eyes. I grumbled. Why do they always do this to me?

"This better be good," I replied as I pushed some hair out of my face again. Rikku let out a high-pitched squeal as she suddenly sprinted off toward the ruins, Yuna jogging behind her. I decided that the sooner we see this thing, the sooner I can get back on the Celsius and get some rest, so I broke into a half-jog and caught up with Yuna, then sped up some more to meet with Rikku, who was already digging near a small structure sticking out of the sea of sand. She glanced over at me when she found what she was looking for: A small silver door to the structure.

I arched an eyebrow in slight interest as I cautiously moved closer, then I stopped when I was behind Rikku, looking over her shoulder at the discovery. I grumbled slightly. It was a door. There was nothing else, unless it was a very clever optical illusion. Actually, that sounds like something that the Al Bhed would do, now that I think about it.

"You wanted to show me a door?" I asked rather dully. Seriously, this better be good. I'm getting really hot standing out here in the shadeless desert. Yuna shuffled in front of me, looking at me from over her shoulder. She didn't say a word; she just looked at me with concern on her face. I didn't think much of it that second, but I was soon going to find out why she would be worried about my reaction.

"No…Not a door," began Rikku as she managed to pry open the door and disappear into the small space. I heard a muffled thump as Rikku emerged with a small box in her hand. "This! I found it last week!" Rikku explained as she opened it up and handed it to me. I peered into the box, and saw a small blank piece of paper, and some old jewelry, not to mention a bed of sand in the bottom. I carefully took the box and pulled out the slip of paper. I saw some writing on the back, but I didn't focus on that for the moment. Instead, I turned it around and saw a picture.

It was a young girl of about 11 years of age. Her clothing didn't seem recognizable. It looked different from anything worn by the people of Spira now. She had long, peculiarly-colored hair—it was a light brown, but in the lighting of the picture, it looked almost gray—pulled back out of her face by a decorative headband. The girl was smiling somewhat, as though she knew she was getting her picture taken, but she didn't want to have it taken. One thing that made my breath catch in my throat for a moment was her eyes. They were a piercing red. I quickly looked up from the picture, shaking my head. Yuna and Rikku just stood still, their eyes searching mine curiously.

No. _It's not possible._ A wave of realization came over me as I returned my gaze to the picture. There was no mistaking it. There weren't many people with that combination of hair and eye color.

Even though I didn't want to recognize this person, I knew, deep down inside, exactly who this was. Instead of dwelling on it, I looked back up at Yuna and Rikku, and then I slowly turned the photo to the other side and focused on the writing. I could read the scribbled words, and I did so aloud, so the other two could hear.

"May she rest in peace."

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**There you go. Tell me what you think. Depending on how much time I have, I may post the second chapter on Friday. Also, if you have any questions regarding the story, and they won't spoil anything, I'll answer them at the beginning of next chapter.**

**CC**


	2. My Story

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Paine3: Thanks for reviewing! You'll find out in this chapter who it is in the picture.**

**blue eyes: Thanks for reviewing! No, Yuna doesn't know about this beforehand. If you read a part of it over again (in the first chapter, near the beginning), Rikku found it on her own and wanted Paine to come to see it. Yuna wasn't even in the picture until she figured out that Rikku and Paine were going on an "adventure" and she got angry. And really, Rikku didn't have much of a clue as to what she found either. She just noticed Paine's resemblance to the girl in the picture.**

**PenArtist: Thank you for reviewing! I'm posting it right now, as you can see. :)**

**sdreamz: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like the revised version better. That's what I was aiming for. Hopefully you'll like this chapter as well.**

**Without further adieu, the second chapter!**

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May She Rest in Peace – Chapter Two – My Story

Many things happened at once after those five words left my lips. One was the look that appeared on Rikku's face, her eyes glinting with a mixture of fear, confusion, and concern. I looked over at Yuna, who was simply staring at me, her eyes too misted over to pick out a single emotion from their depths. Rikku had told me, a long time ago, that Yuna used to get this look whenever she realized something that changed her outlook on something, or someone. I knew that her expression must've been what the Al Bhed was talking about.

It was unnerving. More so than how I felt from reading the words themselves on the back of that picture.

My reaction seemed minuscule. My eyes widened, and I felt a slight throbbing in my chest, as if something was trying to force its way out. I knew that this was something that had everything to do with me, but I didn't know what it was. I did know that I felt nauseous when I finally realized that I didn't remember the circumstances of the picture, or, really, even existing as a girl that age. It was all a thick cloud of haze around the back of my mind.

"Paine? Are…you alright?" Yuna's voice, shaking, asks. I let out the breath of air that I hadn't realized I was holding. I looked back up at the two girls, my face feeling suddenly older. The silence surrounding the three of us right now is nearly deafening. The tension of the moment is building up so much that I could feel the invisible pressure pounding against my ears, leaving them ringing as I opened my mouth to answer Yuna.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," I answer briefly, willing my voice to not give away my lack of comfort. I didn't want to think about this now. I didn't ever want to think about it. And yet, I knew that one day I was going to have to relive it. I sighed.

It's like some unknown force wants me to tell Rikku and Yuna what happened such a long time ago. It's as if they expect me to suddenly open up and reveal my life story to them. I realize now, as I look at this picture, that there is very little about my past that was enjoyable. I only remember it from a little while ago, the past that spawned my hatred for Yevon and its teachings, despite my dream to fight with the Crusaders to defeat Sin. The child in this picture was inevitably me, but then again, I had no recollection of this girl.

Yuna takes the picture from my hands somewhat reluctantly, as if she was scared I would attack her for touching a possession of my past. Yuna examined the words on the photo, and then looked at me again, her face now showing more confusion.

"Paine…This is in Al Bhed," She observes, handing the picture to Rikku, who nods as well and hands it back to me. The Al Bhed's green eyes settled on mine, and for a moment, I think I saw a glint of maturity in Rikku as she was trying to search me in her attempt answer her unvoiced questions. I silently tried to tell her that I knew just about as much as her, but I don't think she understands. We're still too distant to be able to understand each other without words.

I looked at the words again. I still read those same English words I read before, the letters neatly written in loopy writing, the words smudged and bleached from years of exposure to the desert. I glanced up at the two girls, wondering if they had gone mad, then I shifted my gaze back down and focused more on the writing than the meaning.

My breath caught in my throat. Sure enough, the script was in Al Bhed. I'm surprised I didn't catch this. It's as if, instinctually, I translated it in my brain before my eyes could register what they were reading.

"So it is," I began, trying to stay under control against the struggle going on in my mind. I felt something give in at that moment, like a part of my mind broke away, allowing for this new discovery to settle itself into my conscience. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before I continued with what I was saying. I opened my mouth somewhat, but I couldn't think of the right words to say. Probably something that would change the subject or lighten the mood would be best.

"Why don't we head back to the hover?" I suggested, trying to act as neutral as I could, but I think I might have feigned too much excitement at the prospect of returning to the hover. Rikku and Yuna didn't seem to notice this flaw, however, and they agreed, their worry and confusion still plainly plastered on their faces.

So, after that brief outburst of emotion, I once again put on my usual mask of emptiness. I put the picture back into the box, and carefully placed the lid back onto it. I contemplated just giving the box back to Rikku, but I figure that would only prompt more questions from her, so I kept it instead and pivoted on my right leg so my back was to the other two girls. Then I started to gradually make my way back to the hover. As if on cue, I heard the first of a barrage of questions I knew would come upon our return to the Celsius.

"Well, aren't you going to tell us who that is?" Rikku asked as she caught up to me. I stopped for a moment and looked down at the sand, the granules reflecting how I felt at that moment. Like all of this time, I had worked to protect a past that could've possibly been false. The truth was slipping through my fingers. I could feel it.

Maybe…_No_, I don't need to remember that. It's bad enough that I still haven't gotten over the ordeal with the Crimson Squad. Almost all of the people that know about my past are dead, and the ones still among the living seem to be hanging on by a thread, in most cases. They might be strong on the outside, but I've seen them crumble before, and they can't hold up this masquerade for long. I know how it feels to have to live a lie, and it eventually makes you lose yourself. You lose who you are, and what makes you stick out from everyone else.

I have become just another face in the sea of Spirans. The general records held by Yevon from my days in the Crimson Squad hint nothing about my past. Baralai told me so when we were together one day. I remember that he started asking me questions as well, but he stopped once he figured out that I was uncomfortable about the subject. Now, I finally remembered that there are more classified files in the halls of New Yevon, and a good chance that one of them may hold the truth, may even answer some of my questions I've had since I was little. If only Rikku would respect that I don't want to talk about the whole issue….

I looked ahead once again and started moving, this time my pace was quickening. I felt my feet sliding sluggishly through the sand, reluctant to move. Maybe the heat is just finally getting to me now that I'm more vulnerable than usual. I don't want to be vulnerable. I hear the girls' footsteps crunching against the sea of sand from behind me. Even if I did want to tell what happened, would Yuna and Rikku be the first ones I want to tell? Maybe they should be the last, because I do like them, but they aren't close to me like Baralai, Nooj, and Gippal were. There must be someone out there that needs to know first. Then it comes to me. There is one person that needs to know about my past most of all: Me.

I think about this last thought for a while, turning over the logic in my head. It's like I'm one giant puzzle, and only the edge pieces have been put together. The rest is still empty. I really don't know what happened in the beginning. I don't know what started all this chaos in my life. It hurts me just to think about it. And now that I've seen this picture, I just ache more. Maybe I'll just tell them that it was something that had to do with the Crimson Squad. Of course, the three guys from that squad won't believe that for a second.

Then again, what they don't know won't hurt them.

"It's just a picture of someone I knew, that's all," I answered, the tone of my voice seemingly giving away my insecurity. I wasn't lying, that picture is of someone I knew. There was no mistaking it. I don't even understand it myself, how I remember days of it so vividly, but I can't translate my thoughts into words. I'm still trying to puzzle together my own life. Maybe someday it will all be figured out. I'm pulled from my thoughts as the wind suddenly rushes past me, the speed and force of it making me momentarily lose my balance. I glanced back over my shoulder for an unknown reason. Rikku is still looking at me with pleading eyes, as if she knows that I'm hiding something. For some reason, she seemed to restrain whatever it is she wanted to ask.

Thank you, Rikku. You will never know how much your silence means to me at this moment.

I finally saw the hover come into view and I grinned inwardly because I knew I was only moments away from leaving this dreadful place. The Celsius is a comfort for me, the feeling coming from one of my good memories of times long past. Memories…like when Nooj, Baralai, Gippal, and I were talking about dreams. And how they turned that dream into a metaphor to explain to the people of Spira how we are all one body of people, and that we must stand united and help Spira rise up from all the past losses.

It never occurred to me that maybe that metaphor was meant for me as well.

I've told people that it's better to let go of your past, and that, as hard as it may seem, it only helps you in the long run. I tell them that all they need to worry about is what they are doing now, not what they did a year ago, or ten years ago. And as cliché as this statement may sound, I should follow my own advice. It's not a matter of me just letting go; in a sense, I've been letting go for years without any of my memories leaving me. I need to get my questions answered, and be more comfortable about me 6 years ago before I can even think about being emotionally stable in the present.

I broke into a quick jog as I got closer to the hover, the burst of speed pulling me farther away from Yuna and Rikku. I'm not escaping my problems. I intend to face these developments later, when I am armed with more knowledge than I possess at the moment.

I concluded finally that I would talk to the girls later. Of course, in my mind, later could mean anywhere from an hour later to years later. I don't need to specify. Both of them know that they'll have to wait if they want to hear about it. And that I'm going to be even more stubborn about the whole topic if they start interrogating me. I reluctantly returned to my previous spot on the machina vehicle and I shifted uncomfortably in my clothing again. I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to navigate out of my clothes when I get back to the cabin to take a rest. The leather seems to have latched itself to my skin.

I figured that maybe it would be better for all of us if I just kept the truth to myself. Lying always worked for me in the past. It's the one thing that kept me alive while I was in the Crusaders, and one thing that helps me push away the truth. If I can fill the blank voids with what I want to believe, then I'm not hurting. All my memories can stay in their spot in the back of my head, never to be tampered with. I felt my lips form into a small, sad smile.

If only life was that easy.

What I remember is little, but the few memories I have held onto for so long still cling to me like a frightened child to their mother. I'm confident that I'll eventually forget; I've forgotten about everything else, it seems. Then there's that faint voice in the back of my mind that reminds me that my memories aren't going anywhere. The subconscious thoughts and feelings that I have hidden are expressed in my mind and stored. It's those times when I curse at myself for having such a vivid, acute memory, despite the large gap that veils me from my earlier years of childhood.

If only it was so easy to let go. To brush away like grains of sand from one's skin. Then I would truly have nothing to hide, nothing to dwell on in my moments of silence and solitude. And then I wouldn't be in this situation. I let out an exaggerated sigh as we glide along the sand on the hover once again. Yuna and Rikku have decided to leave me alone for the trip back to the airship. If only they could be this considerate all the time…Maybe I would be more open to them, and then they wouldn't have to bother me with their relentless questions.

Yuna seems to understand when I'm willing to answer her questions, and when I'm not, because the few times she's questioned my past, I answered her. Vague answers, yes. Still, they were answers. Rikku, on the other hand, will ask a question about something from my past in the middle of a conversation about blitzball. I didn't think it was possible to have such bad timing until I met Rikku.

I think that the day is coming to an end, because the weather is actually becoming tolerable. There is a faint cooling breeze that accompanies the hot, humid air passing as the hover moves. I almost yell out in relief once I see the red glint of the docked Celsius, the bold colors a heavy contrast from the tans of the desert. I can picture myself spending the rest of the day in the Cabin, my problems being pushed to the back of my head, adding to the ever-growing "to be dealt with" pile. And then after the brief (I will make sure it is brief) questioning session from Yuna and Rikku, I will figure out the best course of action from here. My past is just waiting for me to uncover it. I can almost feel it teasing me, like someone is dangling an important document just beyond my reach. It's a very frustrating feeling.

"Home, sweet home! C'mon guys! Last one to the ship is a rotten egg!" Rikku did a small victory pose as she clumsily jumped off the hover, her feet landing ankle-deep in sand. I feel the sides of my mouth twitch slightly in a small grin, and I nodded to the Al Bhed and followed her back to the Celsius, only turning back to look at the hover to make sure Yuna was following behind. She was still sitting on the hover, interested in the box that Rikku discovered. I jogged back to Yuna and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yuna," I said simply. In reply, she snapped out of her thoughts and looked up at me, her eyes squinting at me as if she was trying to figure me out with one look. I could almost guarantee her that all she was going to accomplish by looking at me like that was a stiff face and some blurred vision. I gestured for her to get off the hover, and she followed, carefully cradling the box in her arms as she walked behind me.

Rikku had stopped in front of the lift onto the airship, her arms flailing wildly above her head as she impatiently waited for us to catch up. Yuna finally looked up at me again before we were within earshot of the Al Bhed.

"Paine," she began, stopping momentarily to face me. She was now looking at me, her gaze almost hardening into a glare. I stared back at her, my eyes focusing on her multi-colored ones. "Who are you?"

I was taken aback by the question, and I took a step away from Yuna, looking away from her. The ex-summoner continued burning holes into the side of my head with her eyes. I shifted my gaze to settle on Rikku, the lesser of the two evils at the moment.

"Who am I?" I repeated, prompting a nod from Yuna. She looked down at the box in her hands, the old wood still sturdy-looking despite how old the box must be. Who am I? I'm a sphere hunter, but I'm not really looking for spheres in general. I'm still an unknown person to everyone that's ever met me. Maybe the truth is that my life is still too buried under the façade for it to be excavated right away.

I didn't give Yuna an answer until we reached the Celsius.

"Yuna, I can't tell you who I am," I answered carefully. Yuna's eyes widened at this, but lightened when she realized I wasn't finished yet. "But I can tell you what I'm not. I'm not a liar," I finished; satisfied at the answer I gave, despite its vagueness. Yuna seemed satisfied enough with the answer as well, because she silently nodded and handed me the box containing the picture. I stared, dumbstruck, as she walked into the airship with Rikku, who was completely oblivious to what had just happened. I carefully opened the box, looking once again at the picture in the bottom.

I guess I never thought that maybe it was time for my story to unfold. And from the looks of things, this was just the beginning.

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**There you are! Another chapter of May She Rest In Peace. I hoping to get as nice of reviews as I did last chapter! Again, if you have any questions, I'll answer them in the next chapter.**

**CC**


	3. Machina Engines

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Hey, everyone! Thanks for the reviews! They really brightened my day! I got the third chappie here for you! Before we get to it, though, I would like to take the time for some question answering for the reviewers.**

**Sorry that the update took so long, but I got inspiration to write yet another Paine-centric story, and it's been taking all my focus. Plus, I have summer school and marching band, other real life things like that. I will try to update quickly for next chapter!**

**sdreamz – Thanks! That ending line was one of those ones that just pop into your head and they fit perfectly into the story.**

**Paine3 – I'm really glad you like the story.**

**blue eyes – Well, I'm not sure at this moment. There will obviously be Yuna/Tidus going on, but other than that, I think any other relationships will be purely friendship. You will be seeing a bit of Baralai in future chapters though. **

**Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! And now, onto the chapter!**

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**May She Rest in Peace – Chapter Three – Machina Engines **

_The lens of the sphere camera focused on three people on a ship. Nooj stood near the edge of the boat, his back facing the camera. Paine leaned against the cabin, her arms crossed in her usual stance. Baralai stood on the opposite end, facing Gippal, who was the cameraman. The camera suddenly shifted and faced the leather-clad woman._

_"Whaddaya got in mind for fun? Any ideas, Dr. P?" Gippal asked Paine, who seemed unaffected by the nickname the Al Bhed gave her. Paine didn't change her stance, but simply moved her head so she was looking at the camera._

_"Me? A ship that glides through the air. That thing you mentioned before. If it's for real, I wanna fly it," answered Paine as she moved a few steps closer to the center of the boat. Baralai shifted his stance and he started to walk toward Paine. The camera focused on the white-haired man._

_"You get to be pilot, then. And maybe I'll try my hand at navigation," stated Baralai cheerfully, a small grin escaping from his lips. The camera bobbed up and down as Gippal walked toward the rest of the group. _

_"Then I'll be the engineer!" He declared proudly. Baralai and Paine looked at Gippal for a few seconds, then a silence settled over the group as they glanced at Nooj, who still hadn't moved from his spot. Baralai was the one to break the silence._

_"Nooj?" He asked simply, looking from Paine to Gippal._

_Paine walked up to Nooj and looked at him for a moment, her arms still crossed. "Captain."_

_Baralai nodded. "Ah, that's perfect," he said as he walked closer to Nooj as well. Nooj turned around to face the rest of the group, his hands leaning against the side of the boat. _

_"You'd let an amateur be captain?" He asked seriously, glancing at each member of his group._

_Gippal once again moved the camera so it focused on Nooj. "Chill out, Noojster. All you gotta do is shut up and look important and you'll fit the part," the Al Bhed explained._

_Paine nodded. "Like a glove."_

_Several seconds of silence settled over the group once again. Then Nooj spoke up._

_"I'll work you like dogs," He said._

_At this, everyone started laughing, the sound echoing in the sphere recording until it faded away, leaving only a red glow of the sphere._

Their laughter still echoes in my mind, even now. I don't think I'll ever forget what happened to change us so much, but sometimes I don't think I want to forget, either. I lightly traced the glowing sphere with my gloved fingers, the heat radiating through the leather. It was one of the few times when there was a smile on my lips, and perhaps the only time lately when I would do something against what most people expected.

Of course, those people don't know the real me. They just know the fabricated version: The one who saved Spira along with the only living High Summoner and an Al Bhed. I suppose we were a pretty ragtag group as far as sphere hunters go. We were all in it for the same reasons (personal ones), but still different reasons. Yuna wanted to find Tidus; I wanted to find answers about the Crimson Squad, and Rikku…

Rikku is still an enigma to me. I think that she was just along for the ride, but I can't be so sure.

"Paine? Are you in here?" A voice echoed into the bridge of the Celsius. I quickly switched off Shinra's console, and I glanced at the doorway to confirm whose voice it was that interrupted me this time. I knew it was Yuna, but I just wanted to make sure. It's always easy to know it's her from her voice. She always has an air of uncertainty whenever she speaks; it's like she's questioning herself all the time. I wonder if maybe she actually is. She speaks so carefully, choosing her words like a diplomat would. I suppose she is considered a diplomat, since she is a High Summoner, not to mention the only one that lives to tell the tale of her victory over Sin.

I carefully tucked the glowing, blood-red sphere back into the small cabinet used for storing the fragile records. There were a myriad of different spheres: blue, green, orange… The red ones always seemed to grab my attention the most, though. It was probably because of their insight into my past. I recorded nearly all of the red spheres neatly lined up across the shelf. I know extra details about the recordings that were edited out by Kinoc and his group of censors. I know things that even the rest of my squad didn't notice. And this knowledge made me yearn for my past, despite how disturbing the truth of it was.

I could compare it easily with any other addiction. I regained pieces of my identity whenever I watched the spheres. I remembered the girl I used to be, before all of this. And remembering how I used to act has changed how I respond to certain situations now. I blinked quickly, making sure my eyes were adjusted to the darkness before I made my trek to turn on the bridge's lights.

Yuna still hadn't seen me yet, and she didn't spot me until I had turned the lights on, the sudden brightness making me see spots as I squinted to make out Yuna's form, which was standing at the top of the stairs, hands clutched on the railing. Once my eyesight was cleared, I made the assumption that Yuna had been sleeping. She navigated down the steps leading to the heart of the bridge, her hair in a state of disarray and a stuffed moogle dangling from her hand. She looked like an overgrown toddler who had just had a bad dream.

"I thought I heard some noise in here," Yuna said as she tucked her stuffed moogle under her arm.

I looked quizzically at Yuna. How could she hear noise a floor above her? I'm sure I wasn't making _that _much noise. She apparently guessed that I didn't believe her excuse, because after a few seconds, Yuna smiled in defeat and continued making her way toward me.

"Alright, I couldn't sleep, and I wanted to get some fresh air," she said, glancing out at the night sky through the glass of the airship's windshield. I simply held the same expression on my face.

"So you came to the Bridge? Usually when someone needs fresh air, they go outside," I pointed out, a small grin appearing on my face.

Yuna stood silent for a moment, her eyes shifting to the moogle in her hand. She played with the artificial fur for a moment.

"Well…I noticed that you weren't in the Cabin, and I thought that you might want some company. I was going to head out to the deck, but it's really windy outside, and I knew you weren't out there at this time of night," she finished timidly.

I nodded knowingly as I sat down on the stairs near the entrance, and then patted the spot next to me for her to sit down. She complied and stretched her legs out in front of her once she was seated. I leaned my elbows against the stair above me.

"So, Yuna, how does it feel, now that Vegnagun and Sin are things of the past?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from anything having to do with what happened this morning in Bikanel.

Yuna's eyes suddenly brightened, the sleepiness gone. She hugged the moogle to her chest.

"I feel very relieved. It's like a big stress has been lifted from my shoulders, you know?" she answered, sighing deeply as she smiled. Two seconds later, her eyes had dimmed and her fingers had gone back to playing with the fur of her stuffed animal. I continued watching her, my own fingers tugging on my leather gloves.

"But…?" I began, knowing that otherwise, she would remain silent. Yuna looked at me; sadly smiling again as she remembered how well I had come to understand her since I started traveling with the Gullwings.

"I guess…I miss it," she added.

I knew what she was talking about, but I still pursued her answer further.

"Miss what?"

Yuna closed her eyes and shook her head for a moment.

"No…It's silly, really…" She started, trying to shake it off. She opened her eyes again, knowing that I wasn't going to be satisfied with the answer she had given so far. So she continued.

"It's almost like…I want something bad to happen to Spira again, so we can go traveling and defeat fiends and save the world like we used to," she admitted, shaking her head again.

I chuckled lightly.

"Yuna, it's only been a couple months since we defeated Vegnagun," I reminded.

Yuna buried her face in her hands in frustration.

"I know! It's just that it seems like I haven't traveled in years!" She mumbled.

I lightly patted her back.

"You know, Yuna. You don't have to be saving the world to travel around with your friends. After this adventure, if you ever want to just go for a trip around Spira, all of this is just one sphere communicator away," I said, gesturing to the airship.

Yuna turned her head so her face was visible again.

"Yeah, but I don't want to interfere with your lives," she explained.

I shook my head at her comment.

"You wouldn't be interfering with our lives, Yuna. At least, not mine. If anything, you would be giving me a break from all the jobs I have to do at the Youth League base in Kilika. Nooj has me running errands at all hours of the day," I finished.

"But what if they need you there?"

I laughed at this.

"Yuna, virtually the entire population of Kilika is now made up of members of the Youth League and their families. Unless some sort of catastrophic event befalls the town, I'm sure I will be able to spare a couple days to visit with some friends."

Yuna, now fully sitting up, smiled at me and nodded.

"Okay. Thanks, Paine."

I smiled at her as well, but my expression was blocked by a sudden yawn. My exhaustion was finally catching up to me now, it seemed. A mixture of dehydration and nostalgia together with unyielding heat and adhesive leather isn't exactly my idea of a relaxing day.

Though I had cleared up one of her worries, she seemed to have another one. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at me again, this time with a calculating glance.

"What's on your mind now?" I asked, starting to get unnerved by her staring. I heard her sigh softly, and, as if by reflex, I felt myself tense up. I knew that the questioning was coming. I shouldn't have asked her what she was thinking about. Curse these reflexes. I've gotten so used to listening to people that I talk without considering the consequences of my words first.

"I've just been wondering about what happened at the desert. You seemed troubled by that picture," she began, and took a pausing breath. I sat up and leaned my elbows on my legs now, my face leaning on my fists as I waited for Yuna to continue. 'Troubled' is an understatement. "I…Well…I suppose it made me…curious. Curious about you. About your past. I don't really know much about the you right now, let alone the you from several years ago. If that picture is you, that is." She added the last sentence hastily, as if there was a possibility that the person in the picture was a relative of mine. In reply to her question, I let a knowing look escape and I gazed up at the clear windshield of the airship.

"Well…" I began, but I trailed off when I realized I didn't know what to say to her next. The steady hum of the machina engine made the awkward silence even more deafening. It's an odd concept; the silence itself is so loud one can't think straight. It's almost as bad as trying to think up a strategy for a battle with Rikku and Brother arguing in the background.

Almost.

Yuna looked at me expectantly through drooped eyelids. She looked like she was about ready to drift off right in the middle of the stairs. I got out of my seat and held out my hand to help Yuna up. As she took it and got to her feet, she smiled faintly. I grinned in return. She really looked tired, and I didn't like the idea of Brother finding her in the morning if she did fall asleep here...

"I guess…I should probably be getting to bed." Yuna said reluctantly. I nodded in agreement and crossed my arms as she walked away. Her already sluggish steps slowed until she stopped at the top of the stairs. She briefly turned around, her eyes already beginning to droop.

"Goodnight, Paine," she said, before turning back around. I took a few steps toward her, and she stopped momentarily when she heard my boots clicking on the floor. Her hand reached back and leaned on the railing.

"Goodnight, Yuna." I said. She glanced back and smiled before starting to walk to the elevator. I took another step forward.

"Oh. And Yuna?" I asked, causing Yuna to completely turn around and look at me. I took a deep breath. I have a feeling I'm going to regret this. "I'll tell you once I'm ready for you to know." I explained, my statement sounding rather cryptic, but Yuna understood it all the same. The High Summoner looked at me thoughtfully, the slowly nodded and finally exited the area.

Once I was positive Yuna wouldn't come back, I returned to Shinra's console. I'm going to thank him one of these days for teaching me how to use this. I carefully leaned over the console and reached into a small pouch hidden on the back of it. I pulled out the contents: another red sphere, one I haven't viewed yet. I was waiting until I had gotten settled from our last adventure before examining this. I have a feeling that this is about as settled as I'm going to get for a while. But now, as I look at the sphere, I think it would be better to see it when I'm more awake, and when I don't have to hide it from anyone anymore. I reluctantly placed it back into the pouch, knowing that it would be something to look forward to later on.

Yes, it would be something to save for a rainy day; a day when I won't be under the constant scrutiny of my friends. As easy as it would be to simply make up a few clever lies to explain the picture away, I felt that my friends deserved the truth, no matter how odd and outrageous it may seem. I don't even know where I would start now. They generally know about my immediate past, but everything before that…even that part is hazy to me, and I was the one who had to live my childhood.

I know that the picture is of me. It's obvious. What I don't know is why the lettering is in Al Bhed, or why the picture was in the ruins of Home, still intact after at least two years of it sitting in the machina civilization, gathering dust.

Gippal did say that I had learned Al Bhed much more quickly than he had taught it, but I had assumed that the reason was because I was always around his friends when we traveled to different parts of Spira for Crimson Squad training. Maybe it's a completely different reason.

I was definitely going to have to look into this when I get some more free time.

A small yawn escaped my lips. It's then that I'm brought back to the present long enough to see that it is two in the morning, and that the Gullwings are going to be deliberating on where we should head next, now that we have made the latest discovery about my past. I think that I might remain on the Celsius and take a trip to Mushroom Rock Road so I can talk to Gippal and Nooj about some things that happened during the Crimson Squad, but we're going to have to see about what Rikku and Yuna are going to do. I'm sure that Yuna wants to return to Besaid because she's been away from there for a while, and Cid probably needs Rikku to help rebuild Home.

I leisurely stretched my arms and headed over to the control for the bridge lights. As I turned them down, I waited for my eyes to adjust before walking over to the front of the room, my eyes glancing out at the many stars dotting the skies. I don't think I'll ever get tired of this airship. A small smile played on my lips as I headed back to the steps and headed out of the area and to the lift. My boots rhythmically clicked against the floor as I stepped, the sound echoing loudly in the stillness of the darkened airship.

The lift smoothly moved down to the Cabin level, and I yawned as I made my way into the bar. For some reason, Barkeep was still awake, cleaning up the lower area of the cabin in the dark. I wonder if Hypellos have night-vision, because he looked straight at me and waved cheerfully despite the fact that I am clad in black clothing and the only light coming into the cabin was from the moon outside.

"Mish Paine, it ish late?" He said sluggishly, pointing to the clock near the bar, which I clearly couldn't read in this level of darkness. I nodded and started up the stairs.

"I know. I'm heading to bed now. Goodnight, Barkeep."

"Shleep tight," he chorused, and then continued with whatever cleaning he was doing.

Another yawn came from my mouth as I pulled out my pajamas and quickly changed into them. I wasn't worried about anyone seeing me half-naked because it was too dark, and the guys all slept in the Engine Room. After maneuvering myself out of my usual outfit, I pulled on a plain black T-shirt and some grey shorts and then threw everything on the floor next to my bed. I climbed into it and sighed as the mattress yielded to my weight, and the soft sheets hit my bare legs.

So much has happened today, and I'm so glad that I won't have to worry about it until well after everyone has woken up tomorrow morning. With a sleepy smile, I rolled onto my side and adjusted my pillow before closing my eyes, the perpetual hum of the machina engine slowly lulling me to sleep.

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**There you go! Tell me what you think!**

**CC**


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